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Not Getting What You Want? Speak Up!
PROVO, Utah -- Almost 69% of people set New Year's resolutions relating to things they want to change at work, according to a recent survey by VitalSmarts. But they may not get what they want simply because they don't know how to get their mouth in shape.Almost 86% of respondents, in fact, said their path to success was currently blocked by a conversation they were either avoiding or not handling well. And while most want to make some significant changes, 95% have no idea how to speak up to get what they want."The right skills make all the difference," says Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High (McGraw-Hill). The people who routinely solve touchy problems at work know what to say and how to say it -- they are masters at crucial conversations. When you learn how to talk through tough issues with your boss, peers, and senior management, you can resolve almost anything that has you bothered at work."Common problems include:Unrealistic expectationsAn unpleasant bossAn unreasonable workloadNot knowing how to ask for a raiseLack of opportunitySurprisingly, even though an overwhelming number of those surveyed thought they would fail in dealing with tough issues at work, 69% said they were going to try anyway. "Don't take a cue from the desperate," says Grenny. "Before you step into a high-stakes conversation, you need to prepare. We've observed more than 25,000 influential people step up to tough conversations, and we know when you're properly prepared you can talk about anything with just about anyone -- and succeed."Grenny offers a few tips on how to have healthy conversations at work that produce results:Define what you want. If the problem has been bothering you for a while, there's a chance you'll enter the discussion in the wrong frame of mind. You may want to "set others straight" or "fix all of those people out there who are making life miserable for you." If you allow these thoughts to control your conversation, others will sense this and become defensive.Instead, think about what you really want for yourself, for others and also for the relationship. Don't focus on why something happened; focus on what you want to see change. Keep these goals in mind as you prepare for the conversation.Start on safe ground. Start your high-stakes discussion by establishing something you both can agree on. Explain you want to work on an issue that will make things better for both of you. That means you have to think in advance how the changes will benefit the other person. Before telling them what you want, tell them why they should want it, too.Practice. Do what you would do with any speech or presentation -- practice before you address your audience. Sit down and write out what you might say and how you might say it. Ask a friend to play the role of the other person and practice expressing your views.Be on your best behavior. Often, we speak up poorly because we've judged the other person harshly. Those judgments can come through in our tone of voice, word choice, and demeanor, making us virtually ineffective at influencing the other person. Ask yourself, "Why a reasonable, rational and decent person would be doing what they are doing?" This mental reminder helps you from becoming angry, snippy or self-righteous.Visit VitalSmarts: www.vitalsmarts.comThis article is new this week in The Business Journal's small business how-to section. To see what else is new, click here or click on the "how-to" tab at the top of The Daily Business Journal Online home page."