Welcome to the Business Journal Archives
Search for articles below, or continue to the all new BusinessJournalDaily.com now.
Search
Solve Gripes and Conflicts in Five Steps
"Do you struggle with solving gripes and conflicts in your relationships at home or at work? Have you been ridiculed or mistreated by a co-worker, boss, or colleague? When treated badly, do you feel frustration, anger, or resentment and try to avoid the other person? Surveys show more than 45 million employees experience yelling and verbal abuse at work and more than 60 million have conflicts that range from weekly to monthly. Some people avoid raising legitimate concerns because they fear having a confrontation. However, relaying genuine concerns doesn't have to be a confrontation if you handle the steps appropriately. In fact, solving gripes and problems is necessary for maintaining constructive, functional relationships. Resolving them early is better than waiting until they grow into larger conflicts. Think of stones becoming boulders on the path to success -- they become harder to move as they grow larger.Here are five suggested steps for handling gripes and conflicts from Steven H. Carney, author of The Teamwork Chronicles: Lay the groundwork. Agree to keep the "air" clear of gripes and conflicts when there isn't a problem. Agree to deal with problems as they come up so they don't adversely affect your relationships or teamwork. When there is a problem, allow any anger to cool and plan to talk through the issues in a more relaxed environment, such as going for coffee or sharing a meal. Begin with a tactful, non-confrontational opener. "I have a concern and I was wondering if we could talk," or "Do you have some time? I'd like to discuss a situation with you," or "I'd like to clear the air with you about something." "These approaches are more effective than making an accusation against the other person," says Carney. "Continue when they agree to discuss the situation with you." Own your position. Say, "I'm uncomfortable with what happened," or "I'm frustrated about our lack of communication," or "I should have been more clear about the problem." Avoid saying things like, "You make me so mad!" because you're blaming the other person for how you feel. Acknowledge the other person's position. "Listen without arguing or debating and focus on their intentions," advises Carney. "Try to find out what he or she was after—what did they want or need? Rephrase their position if necessary: 'What you are saying is. . .'" Finish with a plan to solve the problem and move forward. What specific things do you want or need from your co-workers, friends, or family to move forward again? Focus on a few specific things and follow through for resolution and closure -- even a trial run for a few weeks can be a great step forward. "Remember, this doesn't have to be a perfect process. Different situations might require some different steps," Carney notes. For example, if you're not clear about what the other person is saying or wanting, ask them for a clarification: "I'm not clear about what you mean," or make a suggestion, such as "I think I know what you're trying to do and I'm wondering if this approach might be helpful." It's best to catch gripes or problems early, Carney advises. Putting a problem off will not solve anything and the problem will tend to grow. Time can slip away -- in a few weeks, who will remember the details of what happened? Use a tactful, cooperative approach and focus on solutions. Think and act in ways to build agreement and consensus.For more information, visit: www.powerofwe.comSource: ARA Content This article is new this week in The Business Journal's small business how-to section. To see what else is new, click here or click on the "how-to" tab at the top of The Daily Business Journal Online home page."