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It's Not My Fault...
"Why is it that we seem to experience the same problems and issues over and over again?Often, our unexamined thoughts create what happens in our lives. On the day you are in the biggest rush, for instance, it seems every light turns red and every commuter is in your lane. But it is really your own hurry that makes you sensitive to what is between you and your destination. The obstacle is internal. Some obstacles are external. Circumstances out of your control sneak up on you and knock you out of your routine. For example, your flight is delayed, you receive a call that a relative is having emergency surgery; or a coworker quits and leaves you to do the job of two people. So some obstacles are internal, and others are external. As obvious as this may seem, most people are not aware of the difference. Nor are they aware of how critical it is to understand this distinction. Internal obstacles are generated entirely on our own. These internal obstacles often get in the way of achieving our personal goals. External obstacles are imposed or dictated by outside agencies, individuals or forces.. Like flight delays and hospitalized friends, some things are simply out of your control. The trick is realizing the difference, then taking action. "As humans, we have a natural tendency to take the internal obstacles and assign them an external cause, thus perpetuating the problem," says Dr. David R. Cox, co-author of Cut the CRAP and Resolve Your Problems (DC Press). "Once you identify and understand your obstacles and determine whether they are internal or external, you can deal with them and achieve your goals." "Life is about what we make happen," says co-author Dr. Don Sanders. "As manager of your own life, once you recognize the truth of this you can proactively deal with both the external and internal problems that life presents." Your choices about how you deal with these factors will determine the following:Will you achieve your goals or give in to unconscious compliance?Are you enthusiastic, purposeful and productive? Or do you experience reduced personal productivity, frustration and burnout?Are you optimistic, positive and upbeat? Or do you experience bouts of depression and self-doubt? Once you understand the obstacles you face , you become committed to ensuring a healthy and productive life, the authors say. Knowing What You Cannot Change The obstacles we have the least control over are the external ones. It is easy to believe the efforts we make as individuals get lost with policies, bureaucracies, legal or legislative systems, controlling spouses or parents. It is also easy to believe these factors control our lives. "The whole process of individual change and working our way toward personal goal achievement can often seem to be at the mercy of these externally controlling factors," Cox says. We can work, plan and try our hardest, yet feel unsuccessful because our specific goals were not achieved. We often attribute this lack of success to our inability to overcome these external factors. Essentially, external factors serve as reminders that not everything we want is in our direct control. As individuals, we don't have unlimited control when we engage in the world. The environment sometimes limits us . It is not that we cannot change those things but that such change is often slow, difficult and sometimes not clearly related to our efforts. What frequently happens is that people decide that the external factor is something they cannot change just because they cannot change it quickly. External factors can make an individual give up on achieving personal goals. In extreme cases, they can even lead to depression, the authors say.Mistaking External for Internal You may be thinking, "That's me! My life is messy due to external factors beyond my control. It's okay to be where I am." That's the primary danger of acknowledging the existence of external factors. "For most of us, external factors keep us from achieving our goals when we are at the far end of the inertia or instability scale," Sanders says. "Moving just a few degrees from either end of this continuum tremendously reduces the impact of these external factors on our lives." "If you're in a situation where you believe the external factors have taken over your life, you must step back and determine if it is truly due to the external factors or is it really due to one of the four internal factors: catastrophizing, rationalizing, agonizing or procrastinating -- or CRAP for short," Cox adds. The tendency for many of us is to ascribe our internal CRAP to external causes. We give up on achieving our dreams because we have mistakenly assumed that external factors control our lives, the authors say. At their Web site, they offer free success stories and lessons that teach you how to get back in control of your life.Visit the Web site: www.CutTheCRAP.netThis article is new this week in The Business Journal's small business how-to section. To see what else is new, click here or click on the "how-to" tab at the top of The Daily Business Journal Online home page. "